No Changes Please

2008, November 27, Thursday

No Changes Please....

It was the day to buy the school books and this was pretty much the gist of the day that I had today. The day started out alright. Ivan and I were awake at about seven plus, we had our breakfast and I tended to the nitty gritty of the chores. Got Immanuel up, and got dressed up. I was waiting to hear from my sis, as she was to come over and help me out with the buying of textbooks today.

Immanuel has lots of things to buy and they are pretty heavy. Previously, I had the luxury of my hubby or a maid that would help me. Unfortunately, this year I am kind of stranded, so got the sis to help out. Around 9am, she called only to give bad news. She mentioned that my mum was having her chest pains again. That was never good, because my mum is the kind that would have to make a dash to the hospital inan ambulance entrance. And that normally, would really mess up my already planned day, with a lot of other stuff. Not that easy dragging two boys around the hospital the whole day.

We decided that we would send my older boy over to guard my mum, while my sis would help with the books. What I didn't foresee, was the challenge the little boy had in stored for me. He was actually seated down with his maths activity that he had to complete before he got to use the laptop. His morning routine. Since we had to reschedule the day, his plans were to be rescheduled too. And he DOESN'T like changes.

I had to make a stop to draw cash. Figured that getting Ivan something to munch would help, I asked my sis to take Ivan to the bakery, to buy something. We started to proceed to the school when Ivan decided that he wanted a Peanut Butter Waffle. And trust me when Ivan wants a peanut butter waffle, Ivan gets a peanut butter waffle at any costs. Knowing that my day was going to have a rough start, I decided to pick my battles. I gave in, to his cranky requests as I knew that the day held more changes untold.

We finally, bought the books and the uniforms and returned home. He had already started to ask for his computer time. According to the understanding we have, computer time was a reward for having completed some work. But in this case, I had to rush over to my mum's place with lunch, so I changed plans again. I told Ivan that we would bring the laptop over to my mum's where he could use it for awhile. (he immediately saw a pattern, I had began to cater to his wimps and fancies).

We went down to the coffee shop to buy lunch, and yet another saga. First, Ivan wants to have wanton noodle (brown noodles as he calls it), then he wants to have mee goreng (orange noodles as he calls it). Oh, then he decided that he would have chicken rice instant. He has never been so indecisive with his meals before, he would always know what he wanted to eat. Why was he doing this to me!!!! He is so reading the situation very well.

Still catering to his wants, we got the chicken rice and left for mum's place. When we got there, I served his dish on a plate as he only eats with fork and spoon. He ate next to me, quietly. I gave a sigh of relief that he was winding down.

Just then, I got a phone call from my hubby who is overseas. I got up and answered the call. Noticing that I was being distracted by the phone conversation, Ivan immediately pounced. He came over to my ear and started saying, "30 minutes computer please," over and over again. He figured that if he kept bugging me, I would agree, just to keep him quiet. If it was not an overseas call, I would have hung up and handled him straight away. Taking a moment, I gestured him to complete his lunch first. He got up and started to bug my sis to allow him the computer time. She wanted to have nothing to do with it, as she knew that she didn't want to make it worse for me. I finally hung up the phone and got back to Ivan. I told him firmly, that he had to finish his lunch. Reluctantly, he did and earned the computer time.

There was also a rule that he was not to watch the theme songs of publications over and over again. He could watch cartoons or play games on the computer. But guess what, he decided that he would eat the forbidden fruit instead. He did it over and over again, until I snapped. I took the laptop away form him and allowed him to scream. He just went on and on and on. Not knowing how to handle Ivan, my mum felt that she was helping by bring out a mattress for him to rest on as he cried. That had just became his stage for his next performance. He threw himself onto the mattress and kicked his arms and legs in the air while screaming for the computer. This was totally uncalled for. I kept telling everyone to ignore him, as more attention would just escalate his actions.

I finally, had to drag him into another room to make him lie down just next to me. My sis suggested that she played some instrumental music to calm him down. We were not a hundred percent sure, but the calming music did kind of quieten him down a little, it did take time though. Once he was calm, I decided that this was not going to work. The more he knew that he was not at home, the more he pushed his boundaries. He figured that with all the distractions and changes, I may say "yes" to things I normally say "no" to. So, I brought the boys down for some Ice-cream at the nearby shop and headed home. I so needed my Magnum..... yummmm....

Once things calmed down at home, I spoke to Ivan telling him that the boundaries we have still stay and he should not try as it would not work. I must say that as much as he pushed my buttons today, I am truly amazed by him. He is suppose to be autistic, but he was able to scheme a manipulative plot and execute it at just the right time to get him what it wanted. That's a lot of planning and abstract thinking. Not forgetting, how he would always kiss you on your check and place his cute puppy dog eyes just in front of your face. How could anyone resist that face. Well, I have to, if I want to teach him.

I long to be the sweet mother who cuddles and pamper him, but I can't. Someone has to do the dirty job and I have no takers. I never treated Ivan as if he lacked something, its more like, I got to get through to him from another angle. The knowledge is there, but how creative am I to get it out. Its better when you challenge yourself to understand your child, then to challenge him with our world.

Honestly, isn't that what we all want. To be accepted for who we are. We run a rat race, passing all the pleasures in life to secure a future. A future that we may look back to find no memories of. That's one thing that Ivan has taught me, to take it slow. To see the world through his eyes. To accept him for who he is. Won't it be a better world, if we didn't have stereotyping of how we should look, how successful we should be, or what we should accomplice before we die?

Look around you today, challenge yourself, to be true to yourself. Let your inner passion free and enjoy life, the way its meant to be. Don't' look at your past, its gone. Don't look at your future, it isn't here yet. Look at today! Make a difference today, even if its just standing at your window and looking out into the world. Look with fresh eyes, look with new inspirations, look with hope for a better person that is emerging from within you. Place your best foot forward and cease the day as it comes to you.

-bittersweetz-