Birthday Wishes....

2009, February 25, Wednesday

This is a very belated update on Immanuel's birthday dinner. It was on the 17th February. We decided to do away with the cake ceremony this year as he is turning 11. 

My hubby however still, looked around for an appropriate cake, just in case, our boy still wanted a cake. We tried our best to make sure that our boys know that we love them equally, so what's done for one will be done for the other, unless requested otherwise.

So once we had agreed that there would be no cake, the next was where to eat. Immanuel, like me, likes Japanese very much. He suggested he wanted to experience Teppanyaki. And so that was dinner. We had to pick up Ivan from school first, then we headed for dinner.

We were all new to this, so kind of blur as to what we should order. We ordered two different sets first. The dishes came along, one after the other. We tasted a funny unknown dish though, but the guys liked it. Then along came the oyster. It smelt so good. As the boys and myself had not tried this before, we decided to give it a shot. Immanuel, totally was put off by it. Ivan and I found it kind of okay. On the whole it was a delightful experience.

-bittersweetz-

Showertime Blessing

2009, February 24, Tuesday

Ivan didn't go to school today, as he had runny nose due to the cold weather. We did English Grammar worksheets while he was at home. He had been very occupied with watching Speedy Gonzales on the computer. With that he had been running around the house, perspiring very badly. I had intended to give him a shower once the rain had stopped. But he beat me to that, he went to the shower and turned on the tap placing it in the pail. It was so touching for me. My baby had finally mastered the art of the bath. My hubby had been training and teaching him to self-shower for the past 3 days. I waited and watched from outside. Poor boy had done everything right, but didn't know how to adjust the heat in the water. So I went in and helped in with that. He cleaned himself up and showered well. I am so proud of my little baby. I believe that this is just the beginning of my many blessings to come this year. 

 

-bittersweetz- 

A sad farewell...

2009, February 20, Friday

We went down to visit the twins today. It's so sad that they will be immigrating soon, sooner than we wished.

I know that the boys are going to take it very hard. We used to visit the girls almost every week that it became a ritual for my boys to looked forward to. Even Ivan, in his own was excited. He would ask to go to visit the girls all the time, each time the train we took passed AMK. Even though I maybe unsure which twin is which, Ivan knew then apart. Really amazing...... He knows them by their name and he even knows "auntie Merlin" apparently the only auntie that he response to. That goes to show that anyone can make an impression, if they put in the effort.
As far as family goes, we stand alone and as far as cousins go, we only have these little girls that the boys truly love. With their absence in the boys lives, it's going to take a lot of getting used to. But life has to go on. We hope that now we have a better excuse for holidays, as we can go over to India to visit them. Christmas this year is going to be very, very quiet without the kids running and screaming around the tree.

-bittersweetz-

Miracle Seed Sunday...

2009, February 18, Wednesday

This Sunday was Miracle Seed Sunday in our church. After we experienced the harvest from the last miracle seed, we just couldn't wait to give more. We dragged ourselves there early and sat for awhile to have breakfast before going to church.

The day went very well and the service as usual was great. We are truly so blessed to belong to this church where the Lord just keeps blessing each and everyone of us. We wanted to have lunch at the food court but as usual its always so pack. We went to Burger King instead. There we continued the "burger therapy" with Ivan. This time I got him the Chicken burger there. He made some noise until he saw the Hershey Sundae sitting there for him. Again we achieved success and he was rewarded with an ice cream, this time a nicer one.

-bittersweetz-

Where is my baby?

2009, February 18, Wednesday

After one of her check ups, my sis and I met. She told me something really funny that I have to share it. Being a first time mum, she is new to many things. She always is conscious about her getting bigger. She is one of those new age mums that do not fancy maternity wear. So she got herself some trendy bigger clothes. At the moment however she still can fit into some of her clothes.

That morning as she was dressing up, she realized that she needed to extend her skirt with a safety pin. But she could not see the seam to pin it on. She tried a couple of times but still couldn't see. So my smart sister, took a deep breath and wondered why her tummy did not get sucked in for her to see the skirt. It made me laugh so hard. I mean what was she thinking. By breathing in, was the baby going to move to you back to rearrange your breath??! Poor thing has so much to learn about being a new expectant mum. But like all mothers she will eventually get the hang of things.

Coming back to the doctor's appointment. She mentioned that she had the photo of the scan that they took... but there is one problem, "I can't find the baby" she said sadly. This was such a Rachel Green moment I thought to myself. Then I showed her where the baby was and thought that it was such a miracle of life that I would like to share it with the world. I never had the time or know-how to treasure these moments with my first born but its not too late, here is another miracle of life that I can cherish. (just that I don't have to carry or give birth to, just to enjoy)

Mummy's new scraf

2009, February 17, Tuesday

"Don't you think I look good? My mummy bought a new scarf, but I think it looks better on me. Check out more picture of me and the new scarf.

Here is me seriously sad and quiet.

Here's my brother and me, in a cab.

My daddy found me so irresistible that he insisted that we took more photos. I wonder if we annoyed the driver though.

And here is me being mysteriously suspenseful. It was not easy, but for all the fans out there, I have to give my best performance always. Thank you, thank you for all your continuous support.
Until next time, this is Ivan Gomez signing off."

Ice Cream for Burger...

2009, February 17, Tuesday

I brought Ivan and Immanuel to Mac's today. Forced him to eat a McChicken. He had never taken this burger before. He hates the sight of the white cream and the green vegetables. It really puts him off. I didn't really give him a choice. I brought the boys there and got them seated while, I ordered the lunch. I passed him his burger and simply told him, "If you can finish this burger, I will get you an ice-cream". He was very disappointed when he saw all the white stuff and the green vegetables. But for the sake of the reward (ice cream) he braised himself for the challenge.

This could not have been a great achievement, if Ivan had not shown me his new interest last week. Last Saturday, I decided to buy in lunch and so I did. We had burgers and fries and a sundae. Ivan got his fillet-o-fish (with all the tartar sauce scrapped out, as usual). As we sat down to eat, shockingly, he was shifting the bowl of fries nearer to him. He started to eat the fries, he normally doesn't like the fries unless it's cheese fries at KFC. Once we finished lunch, I took out the sundae for Immanuel, with an angry look, Ivan snatched the Ice cream from his brother. So they shared. Making use of this incident, I chose the same kind of food and the ice cream but I changed the burger, leaving the rest a constant.

In the end, instead of the sundae I got them each the ice cream on a cone that they could finish faster. Ivan does have a habit of eating stuff that he likes at a very, very, very slow pace. He savors every moment of his food.

Result: Success! success! He finished his burger and got his ice cream which he still took pretty long to finish.

-bittersweetz-

Cake anyone...

2009, February 10, Tuesday

Today, Ivan followed me to the NTUC to get ingredients for cooking today. Since he was such a good boy, I rewarded him with these two mini cakes.

I knew that I would take a while for me to cook in the kitchen and I wanted Ivan to stay in the kitchen with me. So I figured that by giving him the cake, it would by time.
It was truly a very eventful time watching him eat the cake. He looked very hard at it. I guess he was trying to figure out a way to eat the cake without destroying the picture. He tried poking away at the edges to have some cream. Then he looked at it again.... he then started to eat from the side. He eat away, slowly maintaining that the picture stayed on straight. Finally, he ended it by eating one character at a time. He scooped up tweety first and place it carefully into his mouth. He rushed to the mirror near by and watched himself chew away. He did the same for Tas and Bugs. It was so fun for him. By the time he was done, I was half way through lunch preparations. And wah..lah lunch was ready.

I was so glad that I got Ivan to eat my prepared lunch. The noodles had lots of vegetables and fresh parsley. Normally, he would squirm and fuss. But with the use of the computer dangling in front of him, he ate well. Lately, we have been concentrating on exploring new types of taste and foods.

-bittersweetz-

while you were sleeping

2009, February 7, Saturday

This morning was another early start. Immanuel had to go for extra lessons in school. I got up and lazily did some chores. The boys had their breakfast and Immanuel prepared to go off to school. Ivan on the other hand kept bugging me for the TV.

I always try to avoid giving it to him so easily because he always rewind and watch the same section over and over again. (this was ever since we got the Hubstation) So, I told him that if he should complete the Math sums I had prepared for him, he then can watch TV.

He did his part and got the reward. However, the repetition was getting really bad. So I took away the remote from him leaving him to watch it without repetition. I took the remote with me to my room, where I started to put on a face mask. I rested as the face mask did its job (with the remote right next to me). Ivan came into the room looked at me and the remote, and did something so cute. He gently pat me as if to get me to enter a deep sleep, he probably thought that I was going to sleep. Since I lay still with my eyes more or less shut, he assumed that I was sleeping already. He very quietly reached over for the remote and ran out of the room. That cheeky boy never ceases to amaze me. I found that rather cute, so I let him get away with it until I was done with the mask.

-bittersweetz-

just another day

2009, February 6, Friday

Today started off a good day. I was suppose to meet a friend this morning but there was a change of plans. Then I figured that I would go back to sleep, but the phone kept ringing. So I gave up the idea of sleeping, I got so many things accomplished in such a short time.

Ivan was also very delightful today, he did the work given to him without much fuss and made life very easy. 

-bittersweetz-

Happy Birthday Baby

2009, February 5, Thursday

It's time again to celebrate birthdays. We celebrated my hubby's last month and now it's Ivan's turn. My baby turns 9 this year. Normally, the poor boy doesn't have birthday cakes or celebrations as he hardly comprehends what is going on. 

But last year, we realized that he did, he even helped his brother blow out the candles. Plus, with a lot more cousins celebrating their birthdays, Ivan seems to get the hang of it. He understands that there is a cake, some candles and we blow them out. And yes, there would be presents too.

So this year, I wanted it to be just about him. Sadly, daddy is not in town to share this with us. But still the celebration goes on. I got him a cake from Angie the Choice, (you wont' believe the price of cakes nowadays!) oohh so much chocolate. It was easy to find because my kids, like me are chocoholics.

It was challenging handling the cake, taking photos and video all at once. But the boys did sit quietly as they waited for me. Here are some shots. Next will be Immanuel's birthday that is coming on the 17th of February. Still don't know if he finds it too childish to have a birthday cake. Kids just grow up so fast, and he has started changing even before he turns 11.

-bittersweetz-

Babies, babies

2009, February 4, Wednesday

Life is a miracle and even more a blessing when you get to be a part of that new life. It has been informed that my sis is expecting ( I am so crossing my fingers that she would be having a bouncing baby girl). I so need a niece that I can spoil. Actually, I already have three from my hubby's side. But you know things are different when they are on your side. You find it easier to spoil them.

We talked about pink, pink and pink. Yes, my sister's favourite colour when she was little. I still recall how she would deliberately leave her pink coloured pencil under her bed when she went to school, for fear that someone would borrow it. The things we did as children.

Following her pregnancy is good for us. We get to understand each other better. So much of misunderstanding for us to dissolve from our childhood. At least now, my sis can see that I was not such a cranky %#+@ my mum paints me out to be.

There is so much to share about motherhood and childbearing. Things I wish I knew and did then. Well at least she can avoid a lot of mistakes that I made due to ignorance. Strangely, however, we seem to have a face off going on. (he..he..he..) she has begun dressing up like me (shabby me) and I am trying to revamp my closet. She is eating lots and lots, and I just can't seem to eat very much. Very interesting... Will talk more about her journey with child when I have the time.

-bittersweetz-

Math Maddness

2009, February 4, Wednesday

Since I had no plans for today, I thought that I would use it to teach Ivan some Math. I opened up his bag and found something, I guess the teacher must have started to teach on it. It was repeated number patterns, as what comes next, each having a difference of 2 or 3.

Ivan could not master it at first, I tried using drawings and stuff to make it clearer. Then he decided that he was not interested and was not going to focus. He kept doing everything but focus. We had started this session around 10am. He was just being so stubborn that he refuse to do it. I eventually went number by number, but he still refused to focus. Teaching a child who doesn't understand is one thing, teaching a child who doesn't want to focus is impossible!

But I was not going to give up without a fight. So we went on and on and on. Although, I had plans to take the boys out for lunch, I rescheduled. I needed to show Ivan I was serious. So I ordered in Mac's. I excused him for lunch and then we went back to the sums. He was MISERABLE.

Sometime, around 5pm I thought to myself, the poor boy had enough and that I was going to simplify the sums for him to so the next day. It was a very, very exhausting day.

Let me tell you the best part. The next day, I had given him the sums that I prepared and he shocked me. Just as I gave him the sums, my hubby called. I answered the call and when I hung up, Ivan had completed the whole thing without any fuss. What happened? Yet another mystery... in life.

-bittersweetz-

A fruitful day

2009, January 31, Saturday

I started my very sleepy day off, by attending a Parents Support Group Meeting in the morning. I brought the boys for lunch out at the Kopitiam at Sun Plaza. Following that ,we went to the playground for some stress relief. The timing was great, as one of Ivan's classmates was there too. So at least Ivan had company, instead of always playing by himself at the playground all the time.

We came home and Immanuel left to go over to a friend's place for some games. This left Ivan and me to entertain ourselves. I thought that I wanted to catch up on some sleep, so I allowed Ivan on the laptop while I tried very, very hard to get some rest.

I had promised the boys that I would cook their favourite fried rice today. So, I got to preparing the ingredients and did a whole lot of laundry at the same time. Ivan had been so bored the whole day, that's when it occurred to me that I could involve Ivan in the cooking process. I recalled how much he enjoyed cookery lessons in his precious school.

It had been awhile, and he tried to walk away, but I am proud to say that in the end it was a SUCCESS! I got him to beat the eggs and name the ingredients as I placed them in. Ivan normally had a habit of enjoying what he cooked. Likewise, he sat down and eat what he helped me to prepare.

The fried rice, had frozen vegetables in it (Ivan hates vegetable in his food and he knows all the colours they come in) but yet he eat them without fussing or complaining. I wanted him to know that I appreciated his action and effort, so I promised him that I would reward him with computer time, should he finish the whole serving. He did and was rewarded. I was so happy with the achievement. I gave myself a pat on the back, he..he..he..

 

-bittersweetz-

A warm cuppa cocoa...

2009, January 31, Saturday

I could not sleep a wink at all. I tossed and turned all night. Finally, I decided to get up and do something. As usual in my house my little one will always leave the laptop, on stand by. So I thought that I would check on my emails. I made a nice hot cup of cocoa and sat down in the wee hours of the morning, only to warm my soul.

My dear good friend, has written some comments to my blog and, it really was as if God was showing me that HR cared. HE would always use someone to bless you, in this case HE used her to encourage me to charge on in life. Life would be the same, but after her wonderful words, I am different. I have a new zest that I have to go on, cheerfully. And that its going to be hard, but I can do it. Sometimes, I really thanks God for friends like these, they help keep ya sane! 

-bittersweetz-

Feeling down...

2009, January 27, Tuesday

Sometimes you hear the expression, "The holidays can get very lonely." My feelings exactly, should a holiday come by and my hubby isn't home, the silence and loneliness overwhelms me. That is why sometimes I keep myself occupied as much as I can. I try very hard not to sit down and recap life, because then I go to places that are very dark.

I know of this lady, who had three boys, as I was growing up. She lived in the same block as my family and me in my previous neighbourhood. As a child, I used to see her bring her boys, one by one to the roadside, to board the school bus. Her first two boys could not walk, I never really knew what was the problem. But I used to see her struggle with each of them to get up the school bus. It was then that I realise that there are some children that are different from us and they do go to school too, to special school. Watching her was very much like a daily routine, as I waited for my school bus to arrive. I felt something for her, But I never really knew what it was that I felt, was it pity, pain or sympathy?

Many years later, I had totally forgotten about her. I moved on to further my studies, met my hubby, got married and moved out of the neighbourhood. I then had children of my own and discovered about Ivan's situation. In my new neighbourhood, there were many vacant houses that had yet to be filled up.
One fine day, this lady and her family moved into the house on the ground floor, next to my flat. My mum who visited me recognised her and asked me if I recalled this lady and her sons. Of course I did she was very different from many people I met in my childhood. As my hubby was from the same neighbourhood as me, he knew them too.

A year passed, since that lady and her family moved in. They had modified their front steps into a ramp for their wheelchairs to come and go. Occasionally, we see her grandchildren at the playground (kids of her 3rd son, who is normal). Everytime, we walked passed her house, we would see her working, either hanging the laundry or watering the plants.

One day, as my hubby, boys and I took our evening strolls we saw her again, hanging clothes. She would always give a beaming smile as she recognised us. When I saw her doing the laundry, as her sons sat in their wheelchairs, looking onto the roadside, I felt sad. Was my life going to be similar. Would this be the scenario with Ivan, when he becomes an adult? Just as we passed, my hubby made this comment, "This lady is so admirable, she is always so cheerful, despite her situation." After some silence, I said, "Yes, she is a very cheerful woman, many see that. But how many see her pain and her tears?"

I know that because, I am in the same situation. Many a times I have people telling me, "Wow, I don't know how you do it, it must be hard" or "You are a strong person, that's why you can manage, I don't' think I can" or "I don't think I can survive such a situation, but you can, you are strong, your a fighter". Comments like these piss me off. People and family make it sound as if I had a choice and that its fine because its me. I do admit that I am a fighter and survivor, but that doesn't mean that I requested for such a challenge. Once my very pregnant sis-in-law came for a visit. She commented that should she have a child like Ivan she could never be able to deal with it. Then she looked at her husband, for assurance that they would not want a child like that. Should she had not been a pregnant guest at my home, I would have so given it to her. It amazes me sometimes, how people can be so cruel and insensitive.

Personally, I do feel very much but I know that thinking about it would engulf me and that I would be a mess. So I try to be the person that I was, before autism robbed us. I used to be very jovial and passionate about my job. Sadly, many a times people mistake that for, "Oh, she's okay. It doesn't seem that she can't handle. She's doing fine." Its when I break down that no one sees. There are times that I just sit alone and stare listlessly into the sky. Wishing, wishing that things would be different. Tears would be of an abundance during these times. And by my side are two precious ones. My God and my hubby. There really isn't anyone else that I can count on. No matter which part of the world my hubby is, if there is a phone line connection, I would call him to pour my heart out. Sometimes, I envy people with special needs kids, that have so much of family support. They still have a life. I lost mine 6 years ago.

I lost time with my friends, because I don't have a babysitter to care for my son when I want to go out. My hubby and I don't have date nights anymore for the same reason. Play dates are out of the question too. But I am so thankful, that he is so wonderful. He keeps telling me that we are in this together. (I have read statistics that show how men cannot cope, thus they run away). We make the best of our marriage with what we have. It has drawn us closer together, I must say.

People are so quick to judge when you have a child that is different. I don't really have to go so far, my mother feels that Ivan is a burden, that she cannot handle. She would not be able to babysit him unless my elder son was around, even when we tried leaving the boys with her to get out a bit. I would get a call even before we ordered dinner, "You better come home, Ivan very fussy, I cannot handle."Then I have my religious mother-in-law, who tells people that I must have sinned to have a child like Ivan. She never stopped to think that her son fathered the boy.

Well so much for family support. Sometimes, its much more comforting to pay an outsider to look after your kids then put up with all that rubbish. There is no comfort in standing alone, but sometimes, that's where you find yourself. Many years ago, a teacher told me this, "God must trust you so much to give you a child like Ivan." Until today, it is the only comforting thing that I have heard and I hold it very dear.

But hey, life goes on whether we want to or not. Through out all these problems, I try to enjoy my time with my kids despite all the pain. With hope in my heart that someday, it will all be okay. Someday, my son will be accepted and that someday, he has a fair shot at life like every other person. Just someday..........

-bittersweetz-

Life.....

2009, January 23, Friday

Its been awhile since I updated my blog.... Not that I had nothing to say but getting my hands on the only laptop in the house is so hard. I really must get another one. (I know then people say that I am spoilt!) Ivan is so possessive of the laptop that no one else gets to use it. When he is in school, my other boy has to use it for research, then poor mummy got not chance to blog.

Okay, now for the decision that my hubby and I had to make. We had decided that we were going to re-admit him into Eden School then known as Singapore Autism School. (where Ivan had been studying at for two years before going to Primary One) I tried calling other schools though, but that brought my spirits down. It was like going back to square one all over again. Just two years back I was in the same scenario,I had to call so many people and visit so many schools to get my son into special school and went through the orientation and all. Then MOE redirects him to Primary school where we thought his new journey was. Only to find out that after six months they recommend that he would do well in a special school environment. Although they reccomended such, it was very much the parents decision to withdraw the child. I tried holding on to every minute I had, but finally felt that he would do better in another environment. I am so sick of this tango that we have to do.

Looking at my darling sleeping so peacefully, I had to take this photo. Looking at him, I feel a peace of serenity, that sometimes I wish I could bubble myself in and not come out to face reality. Life is just too hard to struggle for me. But then again for this angelic face, its worth every challenge I meet upon the way.

Years ago when I found out about Ivan's situation, I was at a total loss. I didn't know what autism was, I thought to myself. What is this autism, is it like mental retardation. I had to do my own research to find out what his situation was all about.Then materials were so hard to get hold off. Today you can find many books in the library and bookstores, on special needs. I struggled through all those years taking a step at a time, my hubby joined me in that journey a year later. He took a year to overcome denial.I took time off my work to follow him to all the therapies that he had to attend. I remember feeling so done at the end of the therapy session, that my son was not like the rest. I felt like I had let him down. I stressed myself, that it was upon me to make it right. But somehow, no matter how hard I try, nothing really improved. The worse was when I went back to work after therapy and saw all the children in the childcare, where my child was not able to be part of. I worked in a world full of beautiful children, a world that somehow, my own son cannot fit into. On therapy days, when I went back to work I would be very moody and quiet for the rest of the day.

My boss noticed that it was becoming a norm, so she gave me some "advice". "You should not let this affect your job and your life. Children like these should not be kept at home. Send him off to some home and pay them to look after you son. Don't ruin your future become of a child like this." Those were her words that were burnt into my heart. It affected me so much, I cried so hard. I loved my child, he is my flesh and blood. He is also a human being that deserves to be loved and taken care off. But why do people segregate them as some outcast that needs to be set aside from society.

That was when I thought to myself, that this world is filled with so many mean people, that are just too quick to judge and ostracize people who are different from them. Thus, I had to advocate for my son, he needs someone that can be his voice to this very cruel world. I then quit my job to be a full time advocate for my loving darling son. Still today, I speak up for him and voice out opinions for him. Sometimes, I know I annoy the teachers by doing this, But I don't care. My son and his well being are what matters the most to me. And if I have to be his advocate for the rest of my life, I would gladly do so until my last breathe, and know that I have lived a life that was fulfilling. A life that changed another's and made life easier for another living being, my son.

-bittersweetz-

One of the many hard decisions in life...

2009, January 15, Thursday

The time has come for us to make yet another hard decision in life. One that concerns Ivan. As mentioned before, I just could not decide if Ivan should stay in the mainstream setting or not.

The recommendation form a psychologist was that he should be amongst verbal friends, so that he would pick up language easily. Knowing that his classmates were going to follow through, I thought that it would do him good to stay on, at least for another year. After speaking to the VP about this, and getting the extension, I was very pleased that I had made a good decision. But now.... I am not so sure. Ivan has begun to react badly to that decision.

When school started this year, I didn't send him to school on the Friday, as I didn't want him to think that school had started so abruptly and ended with the weekend in a day. So Ivan started school on a Monday, so that he would be used to the same routine as of last year. Unfortunately, there was no orientation to prepare him for the changes. Something that even I had overlooked. I was more concerned that the classroom might have been changed. When I knew it was the same, I thought that all else was fine. I forgot, to look into little things like, the class would be sitting in a different place at assembly. They were far in, compared to near the staircase last year. I would think that where he sat for recess would be different too. Although, I looked into the more obvious stuff I forgot to look into all the details.

Ivan began to say that he didn't want to go to school and threw tantrums if he was forced to do something that he didn't want to. I was getting worried. My hubby and I dint know what we had to do next, but we knew that it was time to make a decision for Ivan. What were we going to do? We prayed and waited upon the Lord for an answer... 

-bittersweetz-

Welcome 2009

2009, January 6, Tuesday

The new year has arrived, 2009. The boys started school again. I was anxious for them. Immanuel starts Primary 5 this year and Ivan starts Primary 2.

I was glad to know that Immanuel likes his new classmates this year. When he came home, I hardly got much details as he was busy with his dad. Later, when I got some time, I chatted with him. He told me that unlike last year he feels that he fits in better with this crowd. Well, I guess that is a good sign. You excel best when you are comfortable.

I know that he does miss a couple of friends from last year's class, so we allowed him to get together with them to play some cards after school.

As for Ivan it was a little more challenging. He was home for too long and was too comfy with dad around and all. He didn't have therapy or school to attend. We did do some work with him but it wasn't the same. In the morning we told him that we had to go down to Bukit Batok, to have therapy lessons. He wasn't too thrilled but he didn't fuss too much. Once therapy was over he said that he wanted to have some Chicken Rice. So we stopped the cab at the coffee shop near our place and gave him his lunch.

We brought him home, gave him a little rest and said that it was time for school. Some how I managed to dress him up and talked him into meeting Ms Ang, the SNO in his school. He was alright. We reached the school and he saw Ms Ang. While waiting for his form teacher to come get him, he said, "See Ms. Ang, now go home." Apparently he thought, once he saw her, we could leave. He started to fuss a little. Just then his form teacher and a classmate buddy of his came and gently brought him to sit with the rest of the class. It wasn't going to be easy for him, but he has to learn to adjust.

Come this year, we have many obstacles to cross. My hubby and I have to decide whether or not we should leave Ivan in the mainstream setting or transfer him out to special school. It would be one of the most difficult decisions that I would have to make in life. Its difficult because if I made the wrong decision, it would not be me but Ivan that would pay the price. I pray everyday, that things would work out and that I would not have to make such a decision. I don't want to carry that kind of guilt around all my life.

My hubby says that I should learn to relax and that I am too uptight. But if he only knew my situation. If I relaxed, Ivan would be left on his own to occupy himself. Most of the time he would turn to the computer or watch the television. Both activities that would affect his attention span and alertness if used for too long. Even if I wanted to go out for a while, I don't have anyone to care for him as they find him to be too complicated and troublesome. The only time I can take a break is when we are on holiday and the kids are left with my hubby as I enjoy a spa. What a life? I think sometimes, but on the other hand it could be so much worse, so I give thanks for the little miracles that I am blessed with everyday. I also give thanks for the people in my life that inspire and support me.

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Deck the Halls

2009, January 6, Tuesday

Its time to deck the halls with lots of holly fa..la...la..la..la..
Here is a shot of Ivan decorating the Christmas tree with an ornament that he specially chose and bought from Causeway Point.

Every year we get Ivan to join all of us, when we decorate the house and tree for Christmas, hoping that one day he too would understand the meaning of Christmas. This year unlike the previous ones, I got the children to follow as we got the decorations. It costs so much more than when I buy them myslef. Ivan he actually handpicked a couple of decoration pieces on his own.
The boys really enjoyed decorating the tree. It was fun and heartwarming watching them do up the tree, as we listen to Christmas Carols and talk about the journey an the birth of Jesus. We also talked about the meaning of the Christmas tree and the gifts it brings. Not forgetting the greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ.
After the tree was done, we turned off the lights and turned on the Christmas tree lights to enjoy the sight and simply spend the night cuddled up watching the decorated tree.

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Catching up with Batam

2009, January 5, Monday

Its been a while since I updated my blog. I was down with the flu, cough and fever. Later on the boys got it from me and we took a while to recover. It was a long and tedious recovery as along the way I lost my voice and ears got all blocked up.

So here is some catch up on our Batam trip. On the left you see a shot of Ivan and me, taken on the ferry to Batam. We didn't go on this trip alone, we went together with my hubby's twin, his wife and their latest addition, baby Rochelle.

The next photo was taken at Harbour Bay, where we had great seafood for just S$40/- can you believe that! We had crab, fish, prawns, vegetables and drinks. It was a really good deal, and the food was really tasty. Plus, the ambiance was very cozy with candles lit at every table to give a romantic atmosphere. This is the third time we would have gone to Batam. Each time, we go there, food is one thing that we really enjoy there as its so cheap, tasty and filling.

On the right is a picture of exhausted Ivan. For the two nights that we were there, we didn't have to ask Ivan to prepare for bed. He knocked out the moment his head hit the pillow. I must say that this trip, Ivan was rather cranky. He kept annoying everyone. I could not quite understand what was the problem. He would intentionally step on our shoes. Intentionally, push the brother or poke him in his face. Eventually, I concluded that the problem could be that he is either seeking attention, or he was trying to get us so annoyed that we would go home. He kept on asking for his computer. So, he probably thought that if he pissed us off good enough, we would pack up and leave. The annoyance didn't stop, however, so we had to resort to firmer measures. I gave Immanuel that green light to rereciprocate Ivan's actions. It was the lesson of cause and effect. Soon Ivan would realize that it wasn't so nice receiving the actions he gives out, a taste of his own medicine. It didn't seem to work immediately, but it did cut down the annoyance a very little bit.

The children had a great time together, even us adults, did. My sis in law and I went to the spa to relax, as the dads looked after all the kids. The spa was great experience. The dim lights and relaxing atmosphere, really transported us to a haven for almost 2 hours, until we came back to reality and went back to care taking again.

It was a refreshing trip for us and we were geared up for a wonderful New Year full of surprises in 2009.

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Floating trees

2008, December 24, Wednesday

As we walked around after church, I was taken by the sight of the floating Christmas trees. It was so pretty and I knew that a photograph taken there would be a keeper. Just as I thought so. Isn't this simply a wonderful picture. The three men in my life, hmmmm.

If you look closely, you will find that Baby Bugs Bunny is there too. He is in Ivan's arms. Don't know why he has shut his eyes for. 

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Cousins Galore, Special Guest Baby Bugs Bunny

2008, December 24, Wednesday

The cousins came over today. It was a refreshing change as normally we always go over. It is a handful however a pair of twins and an infant. The kids had a great time together screaming and running around the house, jumping on the trampoline and playing pretend play.
Immanuel even managed to get his uncle and aunt to play chess with him. Ever since he learnt the game, he has been looking for people to play with so that he can win. He played with me and won (boo-hoo). He played with the dad but only won once by sympathy. He won the uncle the first time round, as he had help from the aunt. Apparently we were told that the aunt is really good in chess. He knew that if he could win her it would be a great achievement. She was good, I must say but she gave no chances. Which is good, we don't want him to think that he is really good and play with others only to be disappointed. Sometimes we have to be harsh to prepare our kids for a harsh world. Gladly, he took his defeat and told her that he would practice but wants another game when we go over to visit again.
My hubby took the twins to the playground below as his brother took my boys for Christmas shopping at Sun Plaza. Meanwhile, the rest of us stayed home with baby Rochelle. She really is a doll. Beaming a sweet smile all the time, she loves company and hates to be left alone. It was so cute that she enjoyed lying down on our dinning table with a pillow rather than be placed in the bedroom on the bed. Time alone with Rochelle was so serene and quiet.... until the return of the other four. My two boys and the twins. Ivan came home so happy with a plush toy of baby bugs and told me. "It's Baby Bugs Bunny." He was so totally eccentric about having the plush toys that he was showing it to everyone.

After alot of playing, we decided that we were going down to Yishun for some shopping and dinner. Well shopping for the mums and dinner for the rest. When we got on the bus the twins fell asleep and so do Rochelle. When we alighted my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and my hubby all carried a child each along with them, Ivan was carrying his Baby Bugs Bunny in the same fashion as them. I asked him if his baby was sleeping too, and he said, "Yes. Baby Bugs Bunny sleeping."

Bugs has been with him ever since. At night when he goes to bed, he has Bugs next to him at first. When he get comfortable to dozed off, he passes Bugs to my side so that I would care for Bugs as he sleeps. (so sweet the way he cares for the plush toys as if it were real)

On Sunday, when we were to go to church, he insisted that Bugs came along too. It was a little weird this time because, kids and adults were giving him a "look" as he carried Bugs in his arm wherever he went.

After church, we went into GAP to get some stuff. We left the boys to sit on the chairs in the kids section and went to pick up gifts for the toddlers. I turned to check on them and saw a little girl standing in front of Ivan giving him a confused look as to why he was holding onto a plush toy. She stood there looking for a minute or two until her mum called her to try on something. That was only the first incident that day. It happened again at Gelare, and other shops too. I try not to let it affect me as I know that no one else is going to be able to understand what my son needs and how he functions, as well as me. These strangers that stare today are not going to be there when he is throwing a fit or when he goes for therapy sessions. So why should I care if they think he is weird. What matters most is what I think of him. He is my angle sent from God, my charmed bracelet, my peace haven and my pot of clay. Clay that with the Lord's instruction I will make into a beautiful piece of Earthen Vessel, for Him to use.

French Ice Cream

2008, December 24, Wednesday

Every Sunday on our way to church, we pass a gorgeous looking ice cream parlour. Its call the French ..... (something) Ice Cream. Its pretty new I must say but it looks so good even from outside. We decided that once daddy came home we would stop by for some. And so we did. The boys ordered their scoops of ice cream in a cup but me oh no, the dessert queen has to have the big wafer cone.

My sons and hubby kept asking me if I would be able to finish it, as it seemed huge. But of course, its dessert for heavens sake, should you even doubt. I had the mixture with bananas and nuts, kind of a banana split version, I guess. Immanuel had ordered the Rocky Road and Ivan the Brownie Fudge.
It was very eexciting to watch as the chef called out your order and started to prepare your ice cream. They scoop up the ice cream of your choice then mash it with style as they add in the other ingredients that you have chosen in your order. SMACK, SMACK, SMASH, SMASH, WAM BAM and TADA the ice cream is served to you. So Sweet. More than anything it was a great family experience, bringing the kids there for the show and fabulous ice cream.

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Teamwork

 2008, December 23, Tuesday

Daddy had gone to work today while we waited for him at home. In the hours of boredom, the boys decided that they would play with the pillows. And as usual, they would leave all the pillows out of the pillowcases. And that makes me mad all the time.

This time Ivan was the one who had removed the pillow case. So I insisted that he placed it back again. He was resistant and screamed. But finally realized that I wasn't going to take no for an answer. He once, twice, three times but could not place the pillow into the pillowcase. Immanuel tried to help but I stopped him. I told Immanuel that he could give his brother verbal instructions but he was not to help him physically. After a while they got the hang of it. I was glad to see them work as a team. Ivan was happy when he had placed the pillow into the pillowcase. And I am pretty sure that after this, he would know what he will have to do if he should take out the pillow case again.

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Warner Brothers

 2008, December 23, Tuesday

This is a sample of work done by Ivan. He stayed up all night drawing these Warner brothers logos while singing the theme song.

He has meticulously drawn the characters and written all the fine prints with all the different fonts. This is one of the many mater pieces that he has done. Its also so interesting that when it comes to colouring his worksheets, his work is horrible. But look at how wonderfully these have been coloured. Even the colours have been copied as per the original. This is one of his fascinations that has followed him through the years.

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